Saturday, January 30, 2010

We need to ban several actions in Rolla

Just as we force kitchen workers to wash their hands and put their long hair up in nets to keep our food clean, we should also regulate the behavior of diners, forcing them to keep the air clean. This should be done with a ban on all smoking, just as they do in the big cities.

Such a ban has been proposed by a hospital official as reported in the Rolla Daily News:

No one wants to smell second-hand smoke. While we're at it, let's also ban some other practices that trouble me, and probably you.

First, I'd like a ban on women's perfume, especially some of that crap old women wear. Whew! Stinks. And it can't be good for your lungs.

Second, armpit odor must be regulated. Some people reek. It may not be harmful to your health, but, dang, it sure makes for a poor dining experience.

Third, belching should be regulated from the smallest babe in arms to the oldest old fart. And speaking of farts, farting in all public places must be made at least a class C felony, for not only is it harmful to whoever walks through your cloud of gaseous odor, it also releases greenhouse gases into the environment which harms not just your immediate surroundings but the entire planet. That little silent but deadly 'pfffft!' coming from your rear is causing the glaciers to melt.

We need regulation, taxation and incarceration to fight these problems.

Will you be a part of the solution or just a continuation of the problem?

Remember, if it saves the life of just one child, it will be worth it.

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